Seeing Sideways - Cognitive Dissonance: Making Peace with Our Contradictions

“Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re growing.” (08:37)

What if the very discomfort you’re trying to escape is actually pointing you toward your greatest growth?

In this episode of Seeing Sideways, I explore Cognitive Dissonance—the mental tension we feel when our actions contradict our values or beliefs. Learn how this hidden bias shapes our choices, fuels rationalizations, and stalls growth, and discover practical strategies to embrace discomfort as a path to clarity and resilience.

Key Takeaway Insights and Tools

• Cognitive dissonance defined (01:35) – The mental discomfort that arises when actions, beliefs, or values are in conflict—and how the brain resolves it through rationalization or justification.
• The trap of rationalization (02:35) – Justifying poor habits or ignoring red flags to protect self-image keeps us stuck in cycles of avoidance and resistance to change.
• The evolutionary twist (03:31) – Consistency once ensured survival and social cohesion, but today it can blind us to new evidence and limit personal growth.
• The cost of unresolved dissonance (04:44) – From stagnant relationships to ineffective workplace practices, avoiding discomfort prevents learning, adaptation, and authentic decision-making.
• The contrarian move (06:15) – Engage with dissonance consciously:
  • Practice self-awareness (06:47) – Notice when you justify or minimize contradictions.
  • Seek discomfort (06:55) – Expose yourself to perspectives that challenge your assumptions.
  • Embrace mental flexibility (08:00) – Allow beliefs to evolve when faced with credible evidence.

If this episode gave you a fresh perspective, share it with someone who might benefit—and subscribe to It’s an Inside Job to catch the next bias in the series: emotional reasoning.

Host Bio

Jason White Birkevold Liem is a resilience coach, author of Seeing Sideways, and host of It’s an Inside Job. He helps leaders, coaches, and professionals strengthen resilience, improve communication, and build clarity from the inside out. Connect with Jason at www.mindtalk.no or follow him on LinkedIn.

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to the Podcast
• 1:42 Practical Tips for Everyday Challenges

Transcript

0:07

Ever catch yourself focusing on what's wrong instead of what's possible? Or judging someone too quickly only to realize you were off? That's not a flaw. It's your brain doing what it was wired to do, taking shortcuts. In this special series, we're walking through my book, Seeing Sideways, One Chapter at a Time. Each episode explores a powerful cognitive bias that quietly shapes how we think, choose, and connect. These mental shortcuts helped our ancestors to survive. But today, they can cloud judgment, limit perspective, and chip away at well-being. So this isn't about fixing your brain. It's about understanding it so you can lead yourself with clarity, respond with intention, and build resilience from the inside out. Music. In this week's episode, we're going to explore the third cognitive bias in part two of the stories we tell ourselves. These sets of biases isn't just about how we see the world. It's about how we see ourselves, our competence, our identity, the choice, and our past. These biases shape the stories we tell about who we are, what we deserve, and what we've done, and why we've acted the way we do. And because they operate closer to the ego, they're much harder to spot and let go of. And so today we are going to uncover and discover a well-known bias, and that's the cognitive dissonance bias. It's about making peace with our contradictions. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort we feel when we hold conflicting beliefs or values or attitudes. Now, this mental tension arises from when our actions don't align with our beliefs or when we encounter information that contradicts what we already know to be true. To relieve this discomfort, well, our brains often justify, they rationalize or change our attitudes to reduce this tension. We do this unconsciously, and sometimes we're not even aware of the ways we alter our thinking to make ourselves feel better. At its core, cognitive dissonance isn't about mental harmony. Our minds crave consistency. When confronted with contradictions, our brain works overtime to resolve the discomfort, often in ways that protect our existing beliefs or our sense of self. The Trap Imagine you've always believed that smoking is bad for your health. One day, you find yourself smoking a cigarette. Instantly, you feel the discomfort of holding contradictory beliefs. Smoking is bad, but I'm smoking right now. To resolve this, you might rationalize it by thinking I've been stressed lately or everyone dies eventually. Alternatively, you might minimize the health risk thinking, you know what, I'm just smoking one cigarette. It's not that bad. In relationships, cognitive dissonance shows up when we ignore red flags about a partner because we don't want to admit we were wrong about them. I know he said he'd change, but this is the last time. I'll give him another chance. We justify things to preserve our self-image and avoid confronting uncomfortable truths. The more attached we are to a belief or behavior, well, the harder it is to face its contradiction. This is why cognitive dissonance is such a powerful force. It fuels our resistance to change, even when change would be in our best interest. The Twist Cognitive dissonance evolves to protect our social bonds and sense of self-worth. In ancestral environments, maintaining consistency was vital for group cohesion. If you suddenly went against your tribe's beliefs, well, you could risk social ostracism. For survival, it was often more important to fit in and stay consistent with your group's values than to challenge those values based on new information. However, in modern life, the need for social cohesion is no longer as critical as it once was. Still, our brains continue to crave that consistency. The problem is that dissonance we feel when we contradict our beliefs doesn't just affect our personal beliefs. It affects our ability to make clear decisions and to grow and to develop. We justify poor decisions, ignore new evidence, and continue behaviors that don't serve us, all in the name of protecting our mental equilibrium. The cost. Cognitive dissonance can severely limit our personal growth The more we justify our decisions or beliefs Well, the less likely we are to question them or adapt Over time, this causes stagnation, It's easier to stay in a relationship that isn't working, continue unhealthy habits, or cling to outdated beliefs than to confront the discomfort of cognitive dissonance. In leadership, this bias manifests when managers justify their decisions, even when they see that they fail to meet objectives or alienate their team. In work culture, people may continue with ineffective practices because admitting they were wrong, well, it would create too much discomfort. The more we try to avoid this discomfort, well, the less we learn from our mistakes. On a personal level, cognitive dissonance feeds our confirmation bias. When we hold contradictory beliefs, we often seek evidence that justifies them, further entrenching ourselves in a false reality. For instance, you might continue to believe that a bad habit, for example, like smoking, eating junk food, or skipping workouts, is harmless. because you've created a narrative that supports it. This creates a cycle of rationalization, and that prevents change. The Contrarian Move Breaking free from cognitive dissonance requires embracing the discomfort of holding conflicting beliefs. The contrarian approach is not about eliminating this tension, but consciously engaging with it. Acknowledging and actively exploring cognitive dissonance, you open yourself to deeper self-understanding and personal growth and to improve decision-making. Instead of seeking immediate relief through rationalization, the contrarian move encourages you to pause, reflect. And allow room for new insights. Practice self-awareness. To effectively address cognitive dissonance, start by cultivating self-awareness. Notice when you instinctively justify or rationalize actions that conflict with your values. Rather than immediately dismissing this tension, pause and consider what deeper discomfort or reality you're attempting to avoid. Self-awareness allows you to surface hidden contradictions, providing clarity and insight into your true motivations, and ultimately, guiding you toward more authentic decisions. Seek Discomfort Intentionally Actively seek out information and experiences that challenge your existing beliefs and viewpoints. This deliberate exposure to discomfort doesn't weaken your convictions. Rather, it strengthens your cognitive flexibility, and it encourages mental growth. By engaging with perspectives and ideas that differ from your own, while you train your mind to manage dissonance constructively rather than defensively, enhancing your ability to adapt and evolve. Embrace mental flexibility. Recognize that beliefs and perspectives are not fixed. They evolve as you gain new experiences and information. Allow yourself the mental flexibility to reconsider, to adjust, or to abandon previously held convictions when presented with credible evidence or compelling reasoning. This adaptive mindset isn't a weakness but a strength, positioning you to learn continuously and to maintain alignment between your actions and evolving beliefs. Clarity is resilience. Resilient minds don't always need to be right. They must be real. The ability to hold two opposing truths and still move forward is a hallmark of psychological strength. True clarity emerges not by avoiding contradiction, but by confronting it directly with curiosity, with humility, and with openness to personal evolution. So discomfort doesn't mean you're wrong. It means you're growing. The more you're willing to sit with dissonance, the more you'll learn. So let me round off this episode by leaving you with some more mental homework, as I usually do in these episodes. I want you to identify a recent decision you've made that feels uncomfortable in hindsight. What conflicting beliefs or justifications influenced that decision? Journal about the tension you felt. Exploring what the discomfort reveals and how acknowledging it, how it can support your growth and your development. So the next time you catch yourself rationalizing a choice or defending a belief too quickly, pause. Ask, what if the discomfort I feel points to something I need to see more clearly? That one moment of honesty, well, it can shift a lifetime of mental shortcuts. Next time, we are going to explore emotional reasoning. How we rewrite our past to make it fit our present beliefs. Thanks for listening to this episode of Seeing Sideways. These biases aren't flaws. They're part of how our brains make sense of a complex world. But with awareness, we can move from reaction to reflection, from assumption to intention. So if today's episode offered you a new perspective, please share it with someone who might benefit. Because the real work of thinking clearly, choosing wisely, and leading with purpose, well, it's all an inside job. See you next time. Thank you. Music.